Is this Christopher Street Childress??
Randie: October 2009 Archives
7pm on a Wednesday night. Where's the write up???
Red flag hanging dangerously out of my pocket.
Newbie Alert!
Since many of you are new to the bag, here's a link to the rules. The rules have changed since 2007. We fired two competitors from last year. Lenny and I are rocking the bet head to head, paying homage to the originators of this wager. In addition, at the request of some baglovers, we're reintroducing the diorama and stache penalties. That's right, the loser has to make a diorama for the Overlord and must also grow and wear a moustache for the Payoff. We haven't decided what we're going to do about facepainting and buying and wearing the worst team's jersey but I'm sure we'll work them in somehow.
Week 5
Yes, thanks to that awful three point win by the Browns I get the write up once again. That's three weeks in a row for yours truly. I now lead Sir Shitzalot by one game in the win column. Call me the Comeback Kid! Not unlike the awesomest acrobatic aquatic mammal... that's right, the Miami Dolphin. Fantastic last second victory monday night! Henne and the rest of the squad showed a lot of heart. Despite the fact that they stumbled out of the gate this year, they've come on strong in the past two weeks as they head into their bye. They ran all over a vaunted Jets Defense to the tune of 151 yards. Henne only threw when he absolutley had to but was extremely efficient finishing 20 of 26 for 241 yards with two touchdowns and no picks. I know I was dissin on QBs named Chad last week but this Chad has a rifle compared to that other guy, what's his name?? Pennington was a stop gap until Henne was ready anyway. I wish I could take back some of that piss poor clock management from the Colts game and we'd be 3-2. Wildcat raaaarrrrrrr! I hate to say it but this awe(some)-fense was made for a guy like Tim Tebow. I guess we'll see what happens next year. I'd love to see the look on Leonard Elliot's face when he sees TFT holding up his bright orange #15 Dolphins jersey on draft day. Many may rag on the orange jerseys but they are undefeated when they wear them so, um, suck it.
It was pretty funny seeing Facebook pics of my two loser Raider friends at Giant's Stadium this weekend. They could have stayed home to watch Perfect Strangers reruns if they wanted torture. Either that or take turns kicking each other in the scrotums repeatedly.
I'm really shocked they haven't lynched Al Davis yet. What a douche rocket. He should have made Art Shell coach for life. He gave the FU to Stabler, Allen and Mr. Raider, Tim Brown (probably countless others). He traded his Head Coach?? That was awesome! Get rid of Gruden, then lose to him in the Super Bowl. Since then they've had Bill Callahan, Norv Turner, Art Smell, and Lane Kiffin. Tom Cable's a real find. He was 11-35 in four seasons as Idaho's Head Coach. Now he may face pokey time for punching one of his assistant coaches. I thought living with Steinbrenner was a pain in the ass but this guy takes the taco. Step aside Al! You were wonderful for football like 30 years ago. Oh how I love me some Urban Dictionary. Check out definition #1 of the word Raiders. Or try this one instead. The best part is that I am now no longer worried about the side bet. The Dolphins are improving and the Raiders are going straight to the crapper. I wonder what the Dolphin's away schedule will be like next year??Newsflash
Catskill, NY - The body of Senator Boe Boe Bendler was found this past Thursday in the Catskill Mountain region of Upstate New York. His body was completely mutilated save for his right hand and most of his genital region. "The evidence supports the possibility that the Senator was attacked by a pack of wild animals... most likely dogs" stated Dr. Peter Fitzintight, Ulster County forensic pathologist. "His body was ravaged from head to toe except his testes where we found traces of peanut butter. We'll know more after the autopsy which is scheduled for early Saturday morning". Investigators did discover a half consumed jar of Skippy Creamy Peanut Butter and two empty bottles of Chardonnay not far from the crime scene. "It was the darndest thing I ever saw", said Sheriff Maya Hurtz of the Catskill Police Department. "I ain't never seen no body so mangled and puked on like that and still had a dumb ass smirk on his face". Maya's husband Harry and their son Dick were on a hunting expedition when they came across the body early Thursday morning by a dirt road off Route 28. Harry immediately called Maya by cell phone while Dick protected the crime scene. "We have quite the puzzle before us", explained Special Agent Dixon Hand of the FBI who was called in as a special investigator. "The bureau has much to go on thanks to the dilgent efforts of Maya, Harry & Dick Hurtz".
Sad news about Senator Bendler. First the Garbage Bag dies, now it's Boe Boe? I'd be worried if I were a GB alum. Real scared.
On the Iphone: Son of Nothing by Between the Buried and Me
Iphone app of the week: How about one that drives your car for you. F-BlackberryOne day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
Joke of the Day
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."
All of my bag teams are on the board with at least one win. I feel like they're all startin' to come together! Two very important Bag Matchups this week:
This week's games:
STL@JAC ***** Bag Matchup
I'm guaranteed a win here woo hoo!
NYG@NO
I'll be torn between rooting for or against Lenny and the myriad of Saint and Giant fantasy players I have on my various squads. One can only hope for a 54-48 Giants victory where Brees throws for 400 yards and five touchdowns, four to Pierre Thomas and one to Jeremy Shockey Shockey. Then Ahmad Bradshaw rushes for 160 yards and 2 TDs. Sounds good to me mang.
DET@GB
Wow Detroit almost beat Pittsburgh. Green Bay is playing like butt. Interesting.
CLE@PIT
As mentioned, Pitt barely got by Detroit and Cleveland's got a little boost from last week's awesome triumph.
KC@WAS****Bag Matchup
Chalk up another win for me. KC is almost as bad as the Raiders despite the fact that the only Raiders win was against KC.
BUF@NYJ
Rex Ryan's D take it out on the Stinkalo Bills in the Meadowlands this weekend.
Side Bet
Raiders 1-4
Dolphins 2-3
PHI@OAK (ha ha)
MIA@BYE
In case anyone is interested I'll be heading to the Dolphins vs Jets game on November 1st. You should come out and tailgate with us!
Also, as a public service announcement I'd like to remind everyone that the winter months are coming and that means more time on the mountain. Please watch this video before you decide on kite boarding.
Smell you later bag sluts
R
Week 4
I spent the better part of last week's write up describing a terrible fear I had about this football season and Lenny's ability to circumvent his run of bad luck. In consideration of this past weekend's developments, it is my duty to retract all statements about Lenny's football ability. We did exchange a few words yesterday:
Lenny: You get another write-up while my football life goes directly into the crapper
Lenny: Both my fantasy teams are hopeless
3:56 PM
Randie: yup
Randie: I have to post a retraction
Lenny: well. I won't be down forever.
It seems like you will buddy. Where to begin? Raiders. Oh Raiders. A whopping 165 yards of total offense against a mediocre-at-best Texan's defense. Houston's NFL-worst run D held the Raiders to just 45 yards on the ground. To put this in perspective, in our Yahoo league the top Raider's point getter is Louis Murphy ranked 148th. I did notice a Fantasy trend right after the game... everyone on earth dropped McFadden at the same time causing some kind of internet clog not unlike the way cholesterol clogs the artery (6 carries for -3 yards on Sunday). From good to bad, Len's week 2 triumph's are a distant memory after his FF defeats in weeks 3 and 4. I'm not the only one with this thought:
Me: Yeah your team isn't very good.
anonymous FF'ler: Yeah, well, at least I'm not Lenny.
Cold Dude! Seems like Lenny has become the Munson of Fantasy Sports. My team got Lennyed this weekend. My quarterback pulled a Lenny on Sunday.
Herr Shitzdabed can be considered nothing more than a Null Set. He's not positive or negative, he's the absence of value. Let's pray TFT can shake out the cob webs to prevent L from committing hara kari.
I really shouldn't be talking this much smack. I'm 2-2, 1-3 and 0-4 in my three fantasy leagues. The bag, as you can see is all tied up and so is the side bet. So no, things are not as bad as they seem for our fine farty friend. He does have two 0-4 Bag teams which is pretty awesome for me. Guess what else is awesome for me?? The Fish looked awesome against the Bills. Super awesome! A solid trouncing. Ballchin Henne led the team well.
Newsflash
The Shitstains traded a dropsey for a Stuckey. Braylon "Tits-for-Hands" Edwards gets to come to NYC in exchage for Chansi Stuckey, a special team douche and a couple of draft picks. Cleveland's bound to get a win or two at some point. They looked decidedly better with Derrick Anderson than Brady Quinn. Brady Quinn? That's a terrible name for a quarterback. Speaking of Quarterbacks, wouldn't it make more sense for the shitstains to trade for Dirty Sanchez??? I'm just saying.
What's a really bad name?
Here I've compiled a list of the ten worst and best quarterback names (past and present). Let's face it, you have to be a man's man to lead a professional football team and someone named Chad isn't going to garner much respect.
10 Best
- Joe Montana
- Archie Manning
- Dan Marino
- Johnny Unitas
- Bart Starr
- Warren Moon
- Sonny Jurgenson
- Boomer Esiason
- Tom Brady
- Bob Griese
Honorable Mention: "Broadway" Joe Namath, Ben Roethlisberger
10 Worst
- Tony Romo
- Jake Delhomme
- Peyton Manning
- Trent Dilfer
- Eli Manning
- Marc Bulger
- Brady Quinn
- Cade McNown
- Doug Flutie
- Elvis Grbac
Honorable Mention: Heath Shuler, Colt McCoy. This guy is a douche rocket.
What were you thinking Archie??? Peyton and Eli sound like a Brokeback Mountain spinoff series on the Showtime. Bulger?? The only thing Bulgering right now is his butt from riding the pine. Big Ben would have made the top 10 but nope, too long, my rules. Boomer could easily be in the worst if he went by Norman. Notice anything? Not a lot of tribesmen in that group? Where are you Jay Fiedler??? Seriously though, it really doesn't matter what your name is. If names were a measure of success then Lenny would change his name to Lenny Doody.
On the Ipod right now: This Ain't Living, G. Love & Special Sauce. (sorry PA, if Borden can steal it then so can I).
Iphone App of the Week: Geo-Defense Swarm
Bag Games:
DAL @ KC
WAS @ CAR
MIN @ STL
PIT @ DET
CLE @ BUF ****
JAC @ SEA
bye, by, buy - Saints
Side Bet
A Bag! A Bag on both your Houses!
Dolphins 1-3
Raiders 1-3
Till next week!
R
