Welcome back from the holiday, baglovers. I hope Thanksgiving found everyone happy and healthy. Thanksgiving is a great holiday for NFL fans, as we traditionally get two games, albeit crappy ones (this year, we were treated to three terrible games - yay!). Yours truly spent the holiday stuffing his face full of turkey and pie while watching his Raiders shit the bed against wifey's Cowboys. Grumble.
That game spoiled the debut of my new Howie Long jersey too. Goddamn Cowboys.
Other than that Turkey Day debacle, though, it was a pretty damn good weekend for me. The TSA filled me with warm and fuzzy feelings of safety after seeing the sign on the left at the security checkpoint at LaGuardia - I can see how those damn snow globes could be a real and tangible threat! - before my flight into Ft. Lauderdale to spend Thanksgiving Day with the family. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay the weekend (and possibly make the Florida/Florida State football game in Gainesville) because the return flights were so expensive. So, like I usually do, I found a way to turn a positive into a negative - it just so happened that the (then)unranked Gators basketball team was playing #2 Michigan State at the
Legends Classic in Atlantic City. Big-time college basketball + gambling + pounders on the 2-hour bus ride from NYC? Sign me up!
The seats didn't disappoint, and neither did the Gators. After a seesaw affair in which no team led by more than 7 points,
the underdog Gators came back late in the second half. Erving Walker delivered an NBA-range 3 to take the lead for good with 1:56 to play, and Florida sealed the win from the line, going 22-of-25 for the game. The Michigan State fans (unruly bastards that they were) walked out with their heads hung as we taunted them which chomps, and UF went on to beat Rutgers for the tournament championship the next night. Congratulations, and welcome to the national rankings, Gators!
After some Jameson shots, beers, more shots, gambling, more shots, McDonald's, and a 6-pack of Miller Lite "to go" from a bar across from the bus terminal, Jason and I headed back to NYC, beat but enjoying the afterglow of a huge win. We got back about 5am, but no rest for the weary - I had to get up and get hyped for the big rivalry game the next day. Of course Tim Tebow and the Gators football team took care of business, spanking those stupid Semis 37-10 (although the game was really never that close). Tebow went out in style, accounting for all five TDs (3 pass, two run) as UF beat F$U for the sixth straight time. Superman and the Gators now gear up for this weekend's 1-vs-2 showdown in Atlanta for a spot in the BCS Championship... and of course I'll be there. If it's anything like 2006 or 2008, it'll be crazy, and I'll come back with some stories (and pics too). Hopefully none of my stories end like this argument gone bad in Gainesville Saturday night (hey Ryan, GBID alums are baggers, not fighters!).
As for the bag games, I picked up two more big victories to Randie's none, further cementing my status as Overlord-in-waiting. The weekend was even sweeter because my bag team beat Randie's Dolphins in the site bet, and of course it's awesome that the Saints absolutely ROLLED the Patsies in New Orleans last night. Let's talk about the games!
Green Bay 34, at Detroit 12: Matt Stafford and his busted hinge was a surprise start for the Lions, and
Daunte Culpepper was none too pleased about it. Whatever Daunte, you
felch goats and should have been out of football two years ago. Aaron Rodgers picked the Lions D apart, and Stafford threw four picks. These teams have met 19 times on Thanksgiving, and I bet every one of those games sucked about as much as this one did.
NEXT WEEK: at Cincinnati Cincy had a tougher time than expected with the Shitstains this week, but I expect this to be Yet Another loss for Randie. The Bengals are a playoff team, and Detroit is, well, Detroit.
Miami 14, at Buffalo 31: Ryan Fitzpatrick seems to think TO is a pretty good player, and has made him his favorite target recently. The result is a bit of a resurgence by the Bills, who are now 4-7 and threatening to become my second-best team (albeit by a large margin). They beat Chad Henne and
Zee Poisonous Fish on the strength of four picks, including three by Henne and one by Ricky "
Budsmokers Only" Williams. Ricky did get over 100 yards for the third straight game, but it wasn't enough to win.
NEXT WEEK: NY Jets Big AFC East game for both teams next week. With the Patsies loss, only three games separate first place and last in the division, with the Jets and Fish tied one game back. It's really anyone's division to win.
Cleveland 7, at Cincinnati 16: This game should not have been this close. The Shitstains were in it until Brady Quinn threw a pick with 2 minutes to go, in part because they shut down the Bengals' previously prolific passing game. Cincy was able to throw up 200+ yards on the ground and control the clock, but that's nothing new against the league's 3rd-worst rushing defense. Man, this team really sucks.
NEXT WEEK: San Diego Oof, bitchslap of the week candidate here. Just brutal.
Washington 24, at Philadelphia 27: Ugh. Wow. Has any team ever beaten themselves (notice I wrote team) more consistently than this Washington team does? For the second straight week, the Foreskins snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, just as they have countless times before this season. Washington is running on empty, with their 3rd-string RB and their CFL quarterback. See you back in this space next year, boys.
NEXT WEEK: New Orleans ***** BAG GAME ***** Randie will be playing with himself next week. Pencil in 12-0 for NO. At least he gets a win.
Seattle 27, at St. Louis 17: I hate to say it, but St. Louis might be worse than Cleveland. Their scoring differential is worse, and their QB situation is definitely worse (but Cleveland is pretty much in the toilet in both total offense and total defense, so go figure). Seattle is not a good team but won in the dome rather easily. Steven Jackson, meet Marshall Faulk.
NEXT WEEK: at Chicago SHUDDER! Both these teams are horrendous. Chicago is a major disappointment. Jay Cutler is a major disappointment (and a major douche). It's going to be cold in the Windy City, so my advice to Bears fans is to bring plenty of booze if you're going to catch this snooze-fest in person. Might as well black out.
Kansas City 14, at San Diego 43: The Chiefs had really been playing better, but now they've gone and turned back the clock. Matt Cassel looks like
Steve DeBerg all of the sudden. Philip Rivers, the league's #2 douche to Cutler, had the Chargers up 7-0 before I even realized the game was on, and it just got uglier from there. After a season split with the Raiders, the bag team rep from the AFC West could very well come down to a tiebreaker once again.
Jacksonville 3, at San Francisco 20: Thanks a lot, Maurice Jones-Drew, for conspiring with your shitbag teammates to lose me my fantasy game by a measly 6 points. All you had to do was score ONE time and I'd have been home free. You fuckers. I hate you and your stupid uniforms. I hope all the rest of your games are blacked out too, and that someone else drafts Tim Tebow.
NEXT WEEK: HOUSTON Houston is another team that shit the bed this week. Andre Johnson could have won me my fantasy game too, but no! Neither of these cities gives a flying fuck about this game, and I don't either. Buncha fucktards.
And last but not least, the supposed "game of the week"......
New England 17, at New Orleans 38: Wow, what a total and utter beatdown. Drew Brees continued his superhuman play with five TDs, and Tom Brady threw two picks and was held without a TD pass for the first time since who the fuck knows when. Here's how dominant the Saints were: they averaged 9.6 yards PER PLAY. Brees's passer rating was a perfect 158.3. He averaged 16.1 yards per passing ATTEMPT. I mean, holy shit! On the other side, Darth Belichick continued his unthinkable run of boneheaded play calls, going for it on 4th and 4 from HIS OWN 10 YARD LINE in the 3rd quarter. Seriously? Are you this much of a cockknocker that you think this is a good idea? When did Bill Belichick turn into Rich Kotite?
NEXT WEEK: at Washington ***** BAG GAME ***** Let's go Wizards! Who dat? Who dat?
That's it for now kids. Hope you enjoyed it. Back with more next week. Until then, may the bag toll for thee........
