I'm a Public Enemy but I don't rob banks
I don't shoot bullets and I don't shoot blanks
My style is supreme, number one is my rank
And I got more power than the New York Yanks
Happy hump day baglovers!
As detailed in my smack earlier this week, it's been a banner week for yours truly. I picked up two more games on Randie, I got to personally watch Lane Kiffin put a fuckin' sock in it, the Dolphins lost (giving me a one-game lead in our side bet) and the Yankees are returning to the playoffs after a one-year hiatus. I also avenged my fantasy football loss to Randie by beating him in our Allstar league, AND took wifey to the woodshed in the Yahoo league. Things are good.
I had to drive from Gainesville to Ft. Lauderdale on Sunday, so I didn't get to actually WATCH much NFL football this weekend. That didn't stop me from spending most of the 5-hour drive listening to various games on the radio, and I was fortunate (stop laughing) that one of those games happened to be Raiders-Chiefs. That shit show is as good a place to start this week's post as any.
First, let's talk about our "franchise quarterback" JaMarcus "I can throw a ball 60 yards from my knees but can't finish an 8-yard crossing route" Russell. In two games, this fucktard is 19 of 54 (35.2%!!!!) and looks worse most of the time. He has consistently been behind or beyond his receivers, even on the simplest of reads... yet he has now led his team on TD drives to take the lead with under 3 minutes to play in consecutive games. WTF?!
Oh, and did I mention that for the first time in the history of the franchise (50 years!), the Raiders won a game where they gave up over 400 yards of total offense while accumulating less than 200 themselves? Yeah, it was that ugly.
The reason the Raiders are able to compete despite having Warren from 'There's Something About Mary' as their quarterback is simple: defense. Figuring the Raiders would continue to suck, the Patsies gave up 5-time Pro Bowler Richard Seymour for a first-round pick in 2011. Seymour's in a contract year, and as expected, he has elevated the play of the Raiders' front 7. Also having a resurgent year is 2006 first-round bust Michael Huff. Huff is leading the NFL in interceptions with 3, and also forced a fumble in week 1 against San Diego.
If Oakland can figure out how to get its young receiving corps involved (i.e. THROW THEM THE GODDAMN BALL, IN A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN CATCH IT), their defense combined with the strong three-headed RB committee of McFadden, Bush and Fargas should have them competing for a division title. Yeah, you heard me - I think this team can win 8 games and maybe win the weak AFC West THIS YEAR.
Sure, Oakland beat one of my bag teams, but it's okay because the Saints are ROLLING. Drew Brees has an incredible 9 TDs in two games to go with 669 yards and a 75% completion percentage. He's turning out to be every bit of the fantasy stud that people expected him to be while carrying my bag roster into first place. Other than a home date with the Giants, the Saints have a soft upcoming schedule and I expect them to win 12 games and make the playoffs.
On the other side of the ledger, Randie's teams... well, they flat out suck hairy monkey balls. His roster is loaded with perennial bag flora, and I expect most of them to be in the bet again next year. Cleveland and Detroit, in particular, might be the two worst teams in the NFL. I say here's hoping they stay that way and Randie wears a bag for a fuckin' change.
Other games of note this week:
Jets 16, Patroits 9: Time to officially hop off the Brady Bandwagon, Beantowners. I was as shocked as anyone that Rex Ryan talked all that shit and found a way to back it up. I'm sure Beledick is starting to rethink that "youth movement" they're committed to (not you, Fred Taylor).
Texans 34, Titans 31: Goose: "Well, the list is long, but distinguished." Slider: "Yeah well, so is my johnson." Both teams' Johnsons piled up huge numbers, as Chris went for 197 with two trips to the house (and another 9/87/1 receiving) for the Thumbtacks and Andre hauled in 10 balls for 149 and a couple of scores, including an acrobatic tiptoe on the sideline for the Hillbillies. The South is going to be a rollercoaster - anyone can win that division.
Giants 33, Cowboys 31: Monday night saw two barnburners, but Tony Homo singlehandedly lost this one. He threw one pick six and had another off Jason Whitten's foot called back by a phantom whistle, yet Dallas STILL led with just over 3 minutes to go. Peytie Pie's little brother took over, though, and the Jints spoiled the debut of the new Cowboys Stadium.
Colts 27, Dolphins 23: Nice clock management, douchebags. This was a meteor game if there ever was one.
Some big games in the bag next week:
Cleveland at Baltimore
Washington at Detroit ***** BAG GAME **** **** RANDIE PLAYING WITH HIMSELF *****
Green Bay at St. Louis
Kansas City at Philadelphia
Jacksonville at Houston
New Orleans at Buffalo ***** BAG GAME **** **** LENNY PLAYING WITH HIMSELF *****
Until next time... may the bag toll for thee!
