...but this is getting ridiculous. I hit an all season low this weekend when my hapless Lions were beat by Lenny's hapless Rams, giving St. Louis it's first victory in 17 games. To make matters worse, my other shitty team, the Jags, gave the Thumbtacks their first W of the year. That leaves the Suckaneers as the only winless team. Lenny's juggernaut Saints creamed Atlanta to improve to 7-0. The only redeeming thing about that game was the Brees to Thomas TD late in the game. That gave me a double dip fantasy score and sealed my victory over the dreaded not so Fun-nelers.
But this NFL weekend wasn't a complete loss for yours truly! I woke up Sunday morning around 8 am and began readying myself for a fun filled day of NFL. While I was steaming my vintage #83 Mark Clayton jersey, Sarah was busying herself with the preparation of a togo pitcher of bloodies.
Simultaneously, Mikey was in BK procuring our beers from his local bodega. We were meeting our friend Claire at the Port Authority then all heading over to the Dirty Jerz. Sarah surprised me and got us tickets to the Dolphins vs. Jets game Woohoo!!!! (Yeah I'm gonna marry that woman!!) So it was a day in the Meadowlands and what a day it was! A note to Jets fans: I've been a part of this rivalry since 1982 when I made my first trip ever to the Orange Bowl for a classic Richard Todd vs. David Woodley battle during a strike shortened season. It was a back and forth game with the Fish pulling it out on a late Uwe Von Schamann 47 yard field goal. In the post season later that year, the Jets beat the LA Raiders in the second round to move up to the AFC Championship game (called "The Mud Bowl" which sounds more like Lenny's drawers on Sunday night) against the mighty Dolphins. Miami's Killer B defense picked off Todd 5 times as the Fish skunked the Jets 14-0. We won't talk about what happened in the Super Bowl against the Foreskins. Now the all time series record is 46-40 Jets but who's counting. Fast forward 17 years and though the players have changed the rivalry remains.
At least we have our own stadium. Jets still don't have their own stadium and they never will! Walking around the parking lot of Giants stadium I kind of felt like Triumph the insult Comic Dog when he visited the Bon Jovi show there many years ago. Hello, I'm a dumbass, my name is this guy. I can't really knock Jets fans though. They're just supporting their team! They tailgate proper. They have all these dumb little songs they've been practicing for so many years. "Marino is a homo" is one of my favorites. Poor Dan, still catching shit despite retiring nine years ago. "Brown takes it in the butthole" is another favorite. Notice any latent homosexual tendencies here? This is why I don't have to make fun of them. It's funny... they're funny. While I as waiting on line for the port-o-john a group of d'rocket jets fans threatened to tip me over once inside. I was like yeah, c'mon do it, just video it so I can post it to my FB page. Sadly I didn't get a Port-o-tip, much to the chagrin of the mohawked, Wesley Walker wearing wise guy in line behind me. There's a surprisingly large amount of Dolphin fans here in the NY/NJ area. It never ceases to amaze me. I wish there weren't sometimes. It's hard to endorse dickhole dolphin nuts rocking zubaz pants and bandanas with their jerseys tucked in. Nevertheless we were in a pretty rowdy section. I suppose it had something to do with the lack of oxygen that high up. The first half was pretty boring as both teams stunk the joint up crawling to a 3-3 tie at the half. One major fail on my part was neglecting to remember that they stop serving at halftime. Now I remember why I snuck a flask in last time. I should have rocked Dr. Sneaky! Things got more interesting in the second half. I witnessed at least four altercations in which both Jets and Dolphins fans were escorted away. Just a few rows away from me a Dolphins fan threw his beer at the douche behind him. Major fail considering the value of beer at that stage in the day. Nothing really happened after but they both got the heave ho. Speaking of ho's, the Dolphins D decided to pull a Lenny and disappear for the afternoon (except for Jason Taylor running back a fumble for a TD). Thank geeooowdeee for Teddy. The Jets got Ginned right in their faces. See I could have said they got Ginned in their stupid buttholes but that's not how I roll. Ginn set an NFL record with two TD returns of 100+ yards in the same quarter, barely making up for a costly fumblé on his own 20 which led to a Jet's score. There's nothing more exciting than yelling at a kickoff return for a TD. Almost as exciting and yelling at an inside the park home run. The game was back and forth right up to the end when Dirty Sanchez shit the bed on 4th and 10 with under 2 minutes to play by tossing it out of the end zone. So sorry Jets fans! I was especially sorry to see you all leave in the beginning of the fourth quarter with the game so close. In fact each Ginn run back triggered a partial exodus. I loved some of the post game commentary from some of the Jets player saying how the Dolphins aren't that good yada yada. Well we just swept the season series from you and despite our 3-4 record we are 3-0 in the division which will weigh heavily down the stretch. All the douchey ESPN commentators were all over the Rex Ryan bandwagon in the beginning of the season. Well the wheels have come off that train I'm afraid. I got four words for you: o-ver-ra-ted! Final score from the meadowlands 30-25.
We then hopped on the bus, ate some fried pickles in Times Square then headed over to 3rd and Long to watch the Yankees game. Big mistake! It was $1 beers for marathoners night. While I appreciate the accomplishment there's nothing worse than hanging out in a bar full of self entitled distance runners, especially when they feel like they're entitled to get to the bar before me. Nevertheless we high tailed it down the street to visit our buddy John at Copper Door Tavern who took care of us proper.
Next up, the Patsies... and pain for Shitzgerald!
I may be losing the bag bet but guess what? I've worn it before and I'll do it again if I have to. It's only half over and anything is possible.
I'm still up in the side bet!
Hey guess what? Joe Buck Sucks. I recently became a fan of the Joe Buck Sucks Facebook page. I encourage everyone to join. Tomorrow night: Pain for Pedro!!!! Let's go 27!!!!!
Take a moment and see how Stormtroopers spend their off days.
Grrrrr! Randie
I think the fish @ patsies is the game to watch this weekend. Caught the 2nd half of the fish v jets on NFL network. Seemed like an interesting game in at the time.
Joe Buck is most definitely suckass.
Dude, you get the NFL network?! Man, TWC sucks!
I have Cablevision and they don't carry it either.