"The Weekend of Lenny"

Well looky here!  The tables have turned!  All of the sudden, my teams and I aren't so NULL after all!

F. Shawn coined the term, and it's true - this was one hell of a weekend.  Friday night, I braved the elements at Yankee Stadium to watch CC Sabathia and A-Rod shut down the Angels in ALCS Game 1.  It was a late night, but no rest for the weary as I had a barnburner itinerary set for Saturday - I was planning to head up to the so-called "official Florida Gators bar in Manhattan" to watch the #1 Gators take on Arkansas at 3:30, and then immediately back to the Bronx for Game 2 afterwards.

A couple of funny things happened on the way to early Sunday morning.  First of all, Cornerstone has a $30 All-U-Can during the Gator games.... which includes 16oz tallboys of PBR.  Second, the Gators decided they preferred my nuts to take up permanent residence in my mouth (which by the way makes chugging PBRs like they were water in the desert difficult).  Third, somewhere along the line I forgot to eat anything other than my fingernails.

So now it's 7pm, the Gators have just Tebow'd the Razorbacks with a last-minute drive and field goal, and I don't even have time to take a breath - I've got to hoof it uptown.  The subway ride is a PBR-induced blur, and all I remember is settling in with two hands full of $10 beers at my seats in the Grandstand level....

...for what turned out to be one of the craziest games I've ever seen.  Joe "Grady Little" Girardi tried his best to lose the game for us (he would end up succeeding in Game 3), but after 5 hours of maddening but ultimately pie-worthy baseball (and 11 hours of drinking) I stumbled 

out of The House That George Built at 2am, with the Yankees leading 2-0 in the best-of-7 series, the Gators still undefeated and all the hope in the world for a promising Sunday of football.  At this point I was riding the wave.

Since y'all don't seem to feel the need to comment on our efforts on the site - in case you don't know how, there are little numbers next to the author of the post, right underneath the title, just click there - you may have missed my prediction last week about how my bag teams were going to do, but let's just say I had a good feeling.  The Raiders were playing Philly at home, and even after last week's debacle at the Meadowlands, I was cautiously optimistic about their chances (the Fish played bye buy by), and to top it all off, I was playing F. Shawn's undefeated Fitz Funnelers in our fantasy league. Challenging circumstances to be sure, but in the immortal words of the aforementioned Shitzgerald.....

Let's Make It Sporting!

So with that in mind, for old time's sake.... let's do some game reviews!

Eagles 9, RAIDERS 13:  WOW!  The Raiders came out mad after Antonio Pierce flapped his gums on Sirius, saying the game last week against the Giants felt like "a scrimmage."  They absolutely dominated Philly up front, recording the most sacks they've had in a game since 2005 (6).  Former Patsie Richard Seymour had a particularly beastly day with two sacks, four tackles and a forced fumble.  Even though the Eagles averaged 4.8 yards a carry against the league's 30th best run defense, they continued to throw the ball (mostly to no avail) and after the game - brace yourselves - Andy Reid said he was outcoached by Tom Cable.  Andy Reid!  Outcoached!  By Tom Cable!

The best part of the game for me (and most Raiders fans, but especially me) was watching JaMarcus Russell hit Zach Miller in stride on a crossing pattern, then Miller breaking a tackle, then former Gator Louis Murphy throwing two hellacious blocks to spring him for an 86-yard TD (the only one by either team in the game).  You have to watch this!:

Detroit 0, GREEN BAY 26:  The Lions were bad before Matt Stafford got hurt.  But now that they're trotting out .... OMG, DAUNTE FUCKIN' CULPEPPER under center, things have gone from bad to Holy Fuck, I Just Wish The Season Ended Tomorrow.  Detroit hasn't won in Green Bay in 17 years and it doesn't look like that's going to change any time soon.  This team really sucks, but then you don't get in the bag for being a world beater.

St. Louis 20, JACKSONVILLE 23 (OT):  Given how the season started, it's hard to believe I actually had a shot at a perfect week, but there I was, watching this game on Gameday and shouting obscenities at the computer screen.  Although MJD was a monster for my fantasy team, he punished the Rams.  Still, turnovers kept St. Louis in the game, and once they forced OT, I was sure they would win... who'd have thought fucking Josh Scobee would spoil my week!  Fuck you Jags!

NY Giants 27, NEW ORLEANS 48:  What a complete, utter, total BEAT DOWN.  Drew Brees and the Saints stump-fucked Eli and Big Blue, ruining his return to the Big Easy.  The Saints scored early and often, exposing the formerly stout-looking Giants defense as beneficiaries of a weak early-season schedule (and all you readers looking to make a Raiders comment can eat a bowl of hot cock).  At one point Brees had 14 straight completions and finished 23-30 for 368 and four scores.  The Saints look like the best team in the NFL - every year the sun shines on a dog-I-mean-bag team's ass, and it looks like New Orleans is 2009's mutt.

Cleveland 14, PITTSBURGH 27:  Yawn.  I can't imagine actually having wanted to sit through this game, let alone actually doing it (then again, I was at Giants Stadium last weekend).  This game featured a stretch where 5 consecutive drives ended in fumbles.  Cleveland was never in it (shocker!!!), but if it wasn't for four Pittsburgh turnovers this would have looked much, much worse.

KANSAS CITY 14, Washington 6:  This was the real game-changer for my bag weekend.  Kansas City's definitely not good, but Washington is an absolutely horrendous team.  You know it's bad when the front office decides to take a guy who was calling bingo games at a senior center two weeks ago and give him play-calling responsibilities.  Jim Zorn is the definition of lame duck - the only reason Snider is keeping him around is because he doesn't want to pay out his contract.  Todd Haley got his first NFL win, but both offenses were bad - they combined for just 23 first downs, 6 third down conversions and 533 total yards.    Washington, like most of Randie's bag teams, is terrible and actively getting worse.

BUFFALO 16, NY Jets 13 (OT):  This was a crazy game that featured huge interceptions, lots of penalties, critical missed FG attempts and a nasty injury.  Dirty Sanchez threw an incredible 5 picks, which nullified a huge (210 yards, 9.5 ypc) day by Thomas Jones.  Buffalo kicker Ryan Lindell missed a chance to end it as regulation expired, but got his reprieve in overtime to give Buffalo their first win.  After Trent Edwards left with a concussion, journeyman Ryan Fitzpatrick kept the Bills in the game long enough to win it.  Once again, TO was a non-factor - hopefully they'll finally trade him for someone who can make an impact.

I know the Texans and Titans aren't bag teams anymore (although e of them will definitely be back in the bet next year) and this is a football blog, but I couldn't help but mention these three fantastic stories:

• Apparently, one of the Houston offensive linemen pissed himself during the game rather than take himself out.  Now THAT is fucking awesome!
• Jeff Fisher showed up at a fundraiser wearing a Peyton Manning jersey.  The best part?  He said he "just wanted to feel like a winner."  You can't make this shit up.
• Steve Phillips is a real whore.  He had to take a leave of absence while he was the GM of the Mets because he was schtupping an employee.  Now he's got a 22-year old ESPN stalker going to his house to talk to his wife and friending his son on Facebook pretending to be a highschool classmate. I normally wouldn't give two shits about Steve Phillips - listening to him talk makes me feel dumber - but the statements to police are an entertaining read.

NEXT WEEK'S GAMES IN THE BAG

Green Bay Nutsackers @ Cleveland Steamers

San Diego Puftas @ Kansas City Chefs

Indianapolis My Little Ponies @ St. Louis Ramalams

Buffalo Buttburglars @ Carolina Pussycats

New Orleans Breesknees @ Zee Poinsonous Fish

Philadelphia Iggles @ Washington Foreskins

Bye buy by:  Lie-ons, Jiggy-wires

That's it for this week.  I'm working on a surprise for y'all, but it's not quite ready and I don't want to shoot my load early.  Stay tuned.