Saved by the Browns

Newbie Alert!

Since many of you are new to the bag, here's a link to the rules. The rules have changed since 2007. We fired two competitors from last year. Lenny and I are rocking the bet head to head, paying homage to the originators of this wager. In addition, at the request of some baglovers, we're reintroducing the diorama and stache penalties. That's right, the loser has to make a diorama for the Overlord and must also grow and wear a moustache for the Payoff. We haven't decided what we're going to do about facepainting and buying and wearing the worst team's jersey but I'm sure we'll work them in somehow.

Week 5

Yes, thanks to that awful three point win by the Browns I get the write up once again. That's three weeks in a row for yours truly. I now lead Sir Shitzalot by one game in the win column. Call me the Comeback Kid! Not unlike the awesomest acrobatic aquatic mammal... that's right, the Miami Dolphin. Fantastic last second victory monday night! Henne and the rest of the squad showed a lot of heart. Despite the fact that they stumbled out of the gate this year, they've come on strong in the past two weeks as they head into their bye. They ran all over a vaunted Jets Defense to the tune of 151 yards. Henne only threw when he absolutley had to but was extremely efficient finishing 20 of 26 for 241 yards with two touchdowns and no picks. I know I was dissin on QBs named Chad last week but this Chad has a rifle compared to that other guy, what's his name?? Pennington was a stop gap until Henne was ready anyway. I wish I could take back some of that piss poor clock management from the Colts game and we'd be 3-2. Wildcat raaaarrrrrrr!  I hate to say it but this awe(some)-fense was made for a guy like Tim Tebow. I guess we'll see what happens next year. I'd love to see the look on Leonard Elliot's face when he sees TFT holding up his bright orange #15 Dolphins jersey on draft day. Many may rag on the orange jerseys but they are undefeated when they wear them so, um, suck it.

It was pretty funny seeing Facebook pics of my two loser Raider friends at Giant's Stadium this weekend. They could have stayed home to watch Perfect Strangers reruns if they wanted torture. Either that or take turns kicking each other in the scrotums repeatedly. I'm really shocked they haven't lynched Al Davis yet. What a douche rocket. He should have made Art Shell coach for life. He gave the FU to Stabler, Allen and Mr. Raider, Tim Brown (probably countless others). He traded his Head Coach?? That was awesome! Get rid of Gruden, then lose to him in the Super Bowl. Since then they've had Bill Callahan, Norv Turner, Art Smell, and Lane Kiffin. Tom Cable's a real find. He was 11-35 in four seasons as Idaho's Head Coach. Now he may face pokey time for punching one of his assistant coaches. I thought living with Steinbrenner was a pain in the ass but this guy takes the taco. Step aside Al! You were wonderful for football like 30 years ago. Oh how I love me some Urban Dictionary. Check out definition #1 of the word Raiders. Or try this one instead. The best part is that I am now no longer worried about the side bet. The Dolphins are improving and the Raiders are going straight to the crapper. I wonder what the Dolphin's away schedule will be like next year??

Newsflash

Catskill, NY - The body of Senator Boe Boe Bendler was found this past Thursday in the Catskill Mountain region of Upstate New York. His body was completely mutilated save for his right hand and most of his genital region. "The evidence supports the possibility that the Senator was attacked by a pack of wild animals... most likely dogs" stated Dr. Peter Fitzintight, Ulster County forensic pathologist. "His body was ravaged from head to toe except his testes where we found traces of peanut butter. We'll know more after the autopsy which is scheduled for early Saturday morning". Investigators did discover a half consumed jar of Skippy Creamy Peanut Butter and two empty bottles of Chardonnay not far from the crime scene. "It was the darndest thing I ever saw", said Sheriff Maya Hurtz of the Catskill Police Department. "I ain't never seen no body so mangled and puked on like that and still had a dumb ass smirk on his face".  Maya's husband Harry and their son Dick were on a hunting expedition when they came across the body early Thursday morning by a dirt road off Route 28. Harry immediately called Maya by cell phone while Dick protected the crime scene. "We have quite the puzzle before us", explained Special Agent Dixon Hand of the FBI who was called in as a special investigator. "The bureau has much to go on thanks to the dilgent efforts of Maya, Harry & Dick Hurtz".