Long Live The Bag, The Bag Is Dead!

Last year was one of the worst in bag history.  We never got the site done properly, we missed countless write-ups as a group and as of this writing, we still have not had a payoff.  I personally  had a historically horrendous season, managing only 7 measly wins while earning my second Bag in three years.  I have now either face-painted or worn the bag in every single season since my Championship campaign in the inaugural modern-era version of the bet in 2003.  In a word, FAIL.

Now that we've got all of that negativity aside, let me assure you, Faithful Reader, that after careful introspection we have decided to come back with a renewed sense of vigor.  The NFL is going throwback this season, and so are we.  We're returning to the original two-man version of the Bag, and it promises to be a slugfest!

Randie and I drafted our teams in the Toronto airport over glasses of Jameson (which is how it should be, when you stop to think about it).  Since I'm sporting the Cinch-Suit, I got to pick first.  We decided to do straight alternating picks since there are only two of us:

1. New Orleans
2. Washington
3. Buffalo
4. Jacksonville
5. Kansas City
6. Detroit
7. St. Louis
8. Cleveland

As you can see, it was a banner weekend for bag teams.  Aside from Drew Brees' herculean 6-TD performance in the season's first **** BAG GAME **** (which I couldn't even enjoy, since Randie started Brees against me in fantasy football), the entire bet shit out a steaming goose egg.  Cleveland, in particular, "took the Browns to the Super Bowl" by allowing a last-minute tipped ball to be taken to the house for the winning score.  Buffalo gets honorable mention here for dominating an entire game, then inexplicably taking a kickoff out of the endzone (and subsequently fumbling it) when all they had to do was get one first down to win the game.  Nice job, dickholes.

After one week, the standings:

Lenny  1-3

Randie 0-4

Next week's matchups:

Minneapolis Purple Favres at Motor City Pussies

Arizona SuperFlukes at Jacksonville Saabs

Oakland Choke Artists at KC and the Lickmyballs Band

New Orleans Taints at Philly Garcia is Dead

St. Louis Blackouts at Capitol City Red Storm **** BAG GAME ****

Tampa Bay Butt Pirates at Toronto Bills

Cleveland Browntowns at Mile High Donkey Dicks

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Also coming soon - a retrospective history of the bag.  Stay tuned for that!